The New Holiday Film Critique – Netflix’s Latest Holiday Romantic Comedy Falls Flat.

Without wanting to come across as a holiday cynic, it’s hard not to bemoan the premature release of Christmas films prior to the Thanksgiving holiday. While the weather cools, it seems too soon to completely immerse in the platform’s yearly buffet of low-cost festive entertainment.

Similar to US candy which don’t include real chocolate, the service’s holiday movies are relied upon for their brand of badness. They offer rote familiarity – nostalgic casting, low budgets, fake snow, and absurd premises. At worst, these films are unmemorable disasters; in the best scenarios, they are forgettable fun.

The new Netflix film, the latest Christmas concoction, disappears into the broad center of the forgettable spectrum. Directed by the filmmaker, who previously previous romantic comedy was so disposable, this film goes down like low-quality champagne – appropriately flat and situational.

It begins with what appears to be an AI-generated ad for drug store brand champagne. This commercial is actually the pitch of the main character, played by Minka Kelly, to her coworkers at a financial firm. Sydney is the construction paper cut-out of a professional female – underestimated, phone-obsessed, and ambitious to the detriment of her personal life. When her superior sends her to France to close a deal over the holidays, her sibling makes her promise take one night in Paris to enjoy life.

Naturally, the French capital is the perfect place to pull someone from digital navigation, even when Paris is draped with below-grade CGI snow. In an overly quaint bookshop, the lead has a charming encounter with Henri Cassell, and he pulls her away from her phone. Following rom-com conventions, she initially resists this perfect man for frivolous excuses.

Just as predictable are the movie mechanics that proceed at abrupt quarter turns, reflecting the turning of old sparkling wine in the cellars of Chateau Cassel. The twist? Henri is the heir to Chateau Cassel, hesitant to run it and resentful toward his dad for selling it. In perhaps the movie’s most salient contribution to the genre, Henri is highly critical of corporate buyouts. The problem? Sydney truly thinks she’s not stripping the ancestral business for parts, vying against three caricatures: a stern Frenchwoman, a severe blonde German man, and an out-of-touch wealthy man.

The development? Sydney’s shady colleague Ryan shows up unannounced. The core? The two leads look yearningly at each other in festive sleepwear, across a huge divide in financial perspective.

The upside and downside is that nothing here sticks longer than a short-lived thrill on an empty stomach. There is no real absorbent filler – the lead actress, still best known for her part in the TV series, gives a strictly serviceable performance, all sweet surfaces and acts of kindness, more maternal than love interest material. The male star provides exactly the dollop of French charm with light inner conflict and little else. The gimmicks are not amusing, the love story is harmless, and the happy-ever-after is predictable.

Despite its waxing poetic on the luxury of sparkling wine, nobody claims this is anything other than a mainstream product. The things to hate are also the things to like. One might call a critic’s feelings about the film a champagne problem.

• Champagne Problems can be streamed on the platform.